Hot to Access the Internet (A Guide from 2025) blew my mind today:
Welcome to the Internet! By following the simple rules below, you make sure your internet experience is smooth and risk free.
RealIdentity
Before signing on, please ensure you have received your RealIdentity card from local authorities. Signing on to the internet has been ruled illegal in the Stop Anonymity Act of 2012, and you need to be sure to associate your comments, emails, posts and more with your real name.
Which led me to
Welcome Citizen through the comments that blew my mind further:
Welcome to Earth
As a newly-born citizen of the planet Earth, GenTech corporation wishes to welcome you in your brand-new body, designed to provide maximum comfort and health for the duration you are allowed to occupy it under this license. Please note that all users of GenTech bodies are subject to the rules and regulations described in this license, and any citizens found to be in breach of the conditions so stated may be punished under the international laws set and enforced by the World Trade Organization.
Use of this body is considered to be acceptance of the terms of this license.
There are certain paradigms that we are accustomed to to the extent that we aren't even really aware that they exist. The Free Internet is the only one I know as an American citizen. Those in North Korea, China, and even Australia, don't enjoy that same privilege. And it isn't a stretch of the imagination to think that the web could one day be regulated in this country either. As a commenter on blogoscoped pointed out, the Four Horseman of the Internet Apocalypse could ultimately be Terrorism, Hate Speech, Child Pornography, and Piracy. All terrible, horrible things indeed, but no excuse for limiting the freedom of all.
Also, the idea of being a "user" of a body instead of the owner seems so far fetched at first glance, that the idea is almost affronting. I suppose there is a wide spectrum of beliefs about the sanctity of the body stemming from thousands of years of religion and spirituality but in this new genetic age, some of those natural assumptions may be questioned. Under current law genetics are patentable. Monsanto, a huge biotechnology company, has patents on weedkiller resistant seeds (it also makes the weedkiller). Since the genetics of the seed are patented, farmers are unable to use seeds from the previous year's crops and must buy new seed every year. Monsanto has even laid claim to farmers' crops that had unfortunately been cross-pollinated with the patented gene, even though the farmers had never purchased seed from Monsanto. Apply the idea of a patented gene to the human situation and see where you could end up. Suppose that there was a pandemic, X.Y.Z, and that Pfizer had a genetic modification that prevented X.Y.Z from spreading. Could there be a "licensing fee" for X.Y.Z survivors' offspring? It isn't too far fetched to see how that could be a slippery slope leading to a EULA regarding proprietary information in your "own" genetic code.